The biggest and the hardest thing to learn when you have been criticized and made to feel stupid for years and years, is that it isn't actually who you truly are.

You have to recognize the beginning of the feeling (I feel stupid, I am stupid, everyone hates me, my family hates me, I am always wrong, I am worthless) and halt the feeling as soon as it starts.

You have to say to yourself "I am not stupid, this person is only saying this to be controlling, this person is angry with me, my family loves me, I am not wrong, and I am not worthless."

For a while I have actually been saying this to myself whenever the situation occurs, but it is difficult because everyone looks at you like you're a maddist. *Thinks.* (Actually, this could be more learned self criticism, and no-one actually thinks that at all.)

But anyway. I have found that the easiest thing to do to get out of the critical/self critical cycle is to mentally visualise myself knocking the thoughts on the head cartoon style with a great big stick.

Whack! And away flies the feeling of worthlessness.
Whack! And away flies the feeling of stupidity.
Whack! And away flies the self-hate and the self-rejection.

So when you say my family and my friends are all terrified of me because I am such a horrific person, and that is the only reason why they say they are on my side, I say:

Whack!

And you can no longer control me.

Whack!

And your viewpoint is irrelevant.

Whack!

And I can feel sorry for you because you seem to be unable to survive without someone to control, to hate, to viciously maim.

But the victim you had has learned how to get out, and is getting up and going...and is gone.