So That's Four Down...

My maternal Grandmother just died. The one that taught me how to make jam tarts. She was very old; she was ninety three and very senile. Still, that's four members of my family to have died in just under three years, my maternal Grandfather, my Great Auntie, my Father and now my Grandma. They say it takes you two years to get over the death of a member of your family. Do you think you can have them all in one go or do they have to run consecutively?

I'm not yet crying about my Grandma though. Mostly I feel relieved. Is that bad? No, mainly how I feel is a sudden and growing awareness that there's not many of us left now, my family. It doesn't take two hands to count them. In fact I can count all the people I love with my whole heart on both of my hands.

How very strange.

That means that the older I get, the wiser I am and the more I have to give, the less people I love.

So That's A Resounding YES Then...

On the way home I am thinking, and I'm wondering, and I'm hoping and dreaming and planning. Basking in the beauty of the bruised plum coloured clouds and the sun setting behind them, loving my life and the people in it, and then I see this:



One beautiful beam of what my Father used to call 'proper God light'. Just one, just one in the whole sky shining straight in my direction.

Confirmation, if I needed it.

*Dances.*

As if I need it.

And to top it all I take a picture with my phone and I decide to try, just for the hell of it to send it to my Phlog which hasn't accepted pictures for months. And I get home and I check online and find that it's working again! I can send pictures again! Woo. Yay.

No, no no no no. Stop it right now. Surely?


So I'm driving along, listening to the radio and a song comes on which contains the lyrics:

All you ladies pop that thing like this
Shake your body, don't stop, don't quit
All you ladies pop that thing like this
Shake your body, don't stop, don't quit
Just do it, do it, do it, do it, do it now

Lick this, just like you should
Right now, Lick it good
Lick this just like you should
My Neck, my back
Lick my ... just like that

It's by Khia, apparently. It's number 4 in the charts and if you want to you can hear it by clicking 'listen' here. There's a proper not-for-radio dirty version (just in case the one above isn't dirty enough) which is even ruder, and which goes as follows:

Lick it good suck this pussy, just like you should
Right now, Lick it good
Suck this pussy just like you should
My Neck, my back
Lick my pussy and my crack

So is that OK then? These days?

It's a pop song about oral sex! Oral sex! Does there need to be a song about it then? Is it cool to write songs about oral sex then? These days?

Are all the female teens walking down the school corridors singing 'Lick my (ahhh)' or even 'Lick my pussy' and if they are, should they be? Aren't some things better left unsung about?

Is it just me that feels like this? Am I just really old and out of touch to find this slightly weird?

Only it's just...just...so rude!

Sigh.

*Smoothes apron and goes back to baking scones.*

A Simple Yet Apparently Necessary Lesson On How To Get Your Cat Fed Whilst You Are Away.

A. Do do this:

You: Call someone and have the following conversation:

You: Hello. Will you feed my cat when I'm away?
Potential cat-feeder: Of course. From when till when?
You: (Specify dates)
Potential cat-feeder: Lovely, see you soon then. Bye.

Result: Cat gets fed, all are happy.



B. Don't do this:

You: Leave a message on potential cat-feeder's phone and assume they've got it.
(N.B. Especially don't do this when potential cat feeder is depressed and therefore renowned for not checking their phone messages.)

Potential cat-feeder: Doesn''t get message for four days, then feels awful about enforced cat starvation.

Result: Cat starves for 4 days, all feel bad.



Lesson Number Two.

On discovery of non-cat-feedage, don't do this:

1. Find out cat hasn't been fed and blame non-feeder. Non-feeder does not know he/she was non-feeder since no feeding was requested (as far as he/she knows) in the first place.
2. Blame all other people related to non-feeder, just because they should have telepathically known you had gone away and telepathically should have made non-feeder go and feed cat.
3. Spin Doctor all further reports on conversation to make out non-feeder relation does not give a shit about cat and in fact sends random and horrible text messages related to cat, without regard for cat, cat's well-being, or indeed away-ness induced hunger.

Here endeth the lesson.