On London's whale and why it's not in fact exciting but actually unutterably sad.

If the whale in the Thames doesn't find it's pod soon it's likely to become the equivalent of a Swedish tramp following your family around the park desperate to join you and shouting about it in a language you don't understand.

Whales live in family groups or pods, and for a whale to become separated from it's pod is really bad news. most whale pods have their own family dialect and a separated whale trying to join another pod is often not accepted because it speaks the wrong language.

That whale is probably really disorientated and frightened, and what's worse than anything else is the fact that there is another whale in Southend, and still another one in Aberdeen. I think these other whales are part of the same pod and they've become separated; Northern bottle-noses are almost never seen in UK waters, yet now we suddenly have three.

Everyone everywhere appears to be really excited about the one swimming up the Thames but I'm not. It's utterly awful. A whale has never been seen on the Thames since records began in 1913, and this is why:

1/It's shallow water and stranding is likely.
2/It's brackish water and whales hate that.
3/ It's very loud for a whale in London.

If that whale doesn't die trying to find it's way back to sea it's likely to end up a lonely whale, hunting for its pod for the rest of it's life.

Where's the excitement in that?