Standing outside in the pouring grey dawn rain trying to feel less alive. Even in the Summer five A.M is an unearthly hour.
Every one of us has done something in their lives that they are ashamed of and that they cannot undo. I have done several. When I was 14 I pushed my Mum down the stairs in a fit of teenage temper. I forget what I was angry about, I expect she'd told me I had to be in by 10pm or something equally as reasonable.
I pushed her down the stairs and she hurt her knee quite badly and the next day she was due to go on a skiing holiday, the first proper holiday she had had in years.
She didn't get to ski much.
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