Today I have made gold wedding rings that look like tree bark, designed a beautiful ring based on Sumi E Sakura or Japanese black ink paintings of cherry blossom and I have started making another tiny Russian doll.
I have generally spent most of my time making beautiful things for people and yet when I stop I realise I have a black heart and I'm harbouring a sort of quiet roiling fury. It's a good job that the art of Goldsmithing allows me to switch off from the world, especially if you believe as I do that you transfer your energy into any object you are making. Today I have really concentrated on closing my mind off to everything apart from how much I like the couple I am making these rings for, and how pleased I am that they chose us.
I can't skate. I feel sad and miserable but I am so sick of feeling like that I've channeled it into anger instead. Anger is just as worrisome but less painful inside, and I'm sick of crying.
On Saturday I've got my MRI to see if the consultant's diagnosis of a tear in my Lateral Meniscus is correct, and if it is I will be fast-tracked for an operation. I am terrified that it will be and I'll be off-skates for months but what's almost worse is, what if it's inconclusive?
I'm most scared of being left like this, hurting inside and out, can't even skate.
Heart breaking.
No comments:
Post a Comment